Second Parent Sign-up Syndrome

It does not take 2 to argue, only 1. In the maintenance of a relationship that needs to continue for the benefit of shared children, it only takes one parent to derail communication about their child. If sign up to OurChildInfo is not court ordered, the 2nd parent tends to be paralysed by their own control issues.

Since the 2nd parent has a free account, and still avoids it, it is usually because they are frightened. The 2nd parent fears being confronted by their own words. That parent, by non-usage, shows that they want to remain able to deny what they have said in the past. They can’t commit to their own language or ideas. The parent that avoids the free signup has no excuses, especially since every judge, attorney, and family mediator that uses or assigns the site, recognizes it as an exceptional tool.

Communication by text or instant messaging remains viable. However, when there is a defined statement or question that needs permanency, the second parent tries to hide. They want to be able to continue to avoid commitment even when it is about their own child and they lack the ability to commit to their own words. The permanency of a post on OurChildInfo can be a frightening thought. They have a need to have the ability to continue to deflect. If the other parent posts a legitimate question or the request for information, the avoiding parent gets scared of the permanency.

The log file can be saved permanently by either parent at any time. One parent will often show it to the children when they are older -- that they tried to communicate, but the other parent refused. The record that develops is seen by the children, and they then know that one parent (usually the 2^nd one complaining about the free account) was the cause of the avoidance and angst.